Excuse the lack of round up last week, but I had better things to do. Anyway Craig went, sob sob.
And here we are again, that time of the week where I get to slag off people doing better than me. Each contestant now has to, unfortunately, do two songs each. Unfortunate for act Janet Devlin on the account of her being mind numbingly boring. Maybe she’ll surprise us this week, but then again she probably won’t.
Little Mix decided to do a mash-up of Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ and Diana Ross’ ‘where did our love go’ dressed big 80’s sort of dresses that I hope I never have to see in Topshop. They even let Jesy (you know, that one) sing for more than a line. They should let her sing more often because she’s not actually shit.
I wish I had flipped the channel as soon as Janet came on before she could damage everyone’s guilty pleasure, ‘MMMBop’ by Hanson. It was an upbeat song, that could only lead to disaster, and indeed it did. The only surprising thing was that she forgot her words. Oh no, wait, she’s done that before. Christ, why is she still in the competition?
Thank God for Misha B, dressed in zippy top that looked like it had been through a shredder, she declared she wants to have fun. She does this by her ‘r-r-r-remix’ in the middle of it all. At least she can remember the words. And have stage presence.
Ditching the usual set up of a ‘band’, final lad, Marcus treated us to ‘i’m your man’ and every so often pointed at the camera, which no doubt had mums everywhere wetting themselves with delight. As did Louis when Marcus walked on the judge’s desk and gave him a handshake.
Now Amelia lily with her slightly dyed pink hair. Even if Amelia kept kneeling through-out her song choice, T’Pau’s ‘China in your Hand’, it would probably have been more exciting that janet’s song. Anyway, she continues to wave a metaphoric middle finger in Kelly’s direction for kicking her out first week.
Little Mix again. They do Christiana Aguilera’s ‘Beautiful.’ Awh. This is clearly a big fuck you for everyone who continues to slag off Jesy. Whilst it is beautifully sung, it’s not really going to stop cyber bullies is it now? In a few years we’ll be able to buy Jesy’s weight-loss DVD.
And I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day whines Janet. And I don’t ever wanna… you can probably guess the rest of my sentence. Kelly for
some reason stands up at the end.
Misha is basically a popstar already isn’t she? She can essentially do no wrong (minus the ‘ah-ha-ha’s’ she sometimes chooses to do) and I’m glad to report that she doesn’t ruin The Fugees/Roberta Flack’s classic ‘Killing Me Softly’ with a ‘r-r-r-remix.’
Whoever styled Marcus’ hair for this performance clearly had a picture of Gary Barlow’s hair in front of them. We’re all used to Marcus jiving and what-not, but this time he decides to do Stevie Wander’s ‘Lately’ stood by a red piano. Cue more mums (and Louis) around the country falling in love even more.
Amelia Lily acts like a veteran of this sort of thing; strutting her way through the crowd, she looks confident. Let’s be honest and say the only thing that ruins her performance is the half assed people poorly miming playing their instruments, but luckily the camera doesn’t pan onto them that often. Phew. Obviously not as good as the original, God bless Kelly Clarkson and ‘Since U’ve Been Gone’, Amelia doesn’t kill it.
It’s now Sunday and as Dermot runs through the judges, as he does every-freaking-week, Louis looks like he’s incapable of movement and no robotic arm from Tulisa, but instead a timid wave.
No opening song from the contestants which is probably for the best. But, hang on, we’ve now got to listen to Olly Murs and his large forehead warble, backed up by… the Muppets. You know the Muppets. It is probably fitting, seeing as he comes across as a bit of a Muppet himself. After his performance, I’m ashamed to admit that it was catchy, but not after an excruciating chat with miss piggy and the man himself. How much longer to go? Oh.
The night’s second performer is Jessie J singing X. We all like Jessie j don’t we? I do, but whilst she looked stunning tonight, i found myself dropping off. Why couldn’t she have done a more exciting song, like the crotch grabbing do it like a dude… oh promotion for her new single you say? Oh.
Anyway, Gorillaz have gotten the X Factor voice over man to do their new advert which confused me for second. Unbearable.
The contestants perform their charity single, which isn’t too bad. But then again, they’re probably miming. Janet’s still shoddy compared to, oh wait, everyone else in the competition. Then ‘One D!!’ (Jesus fucking Christ) come out with JLS. I know right?
Then it gets exciting. Who’s going to go this week? I’m crossing everything for Janet to go, for not only ruining MMM Bop, but for also being shit.
With a shocked look on her face, Amelia lily is the first to go through, followed by the only male left, Marcus and Little Mix. So now it’s Kelly’s two girls – Misha and Janet. Can I stop watching now and just predict that Janet leaves? Oh okay, I’ll keep watching.
Big mistake. Janet murders Snow Patrols ‘Chasing Cars.’ And I mean murders. Misha sings some song I can’t be bothered to find the name of, but it doesn’t matter in the end, really. We all know who’s going home.
“I’m judging on last night’s performance and tonight’s sing off” well done Louis. Would you like a medal? He picks Misha. As does Tulisa. Kelly warbles on about how it’s so, so, hard blahblahblah. She sent Amelia lily home in the first week and look how she’s doing now. Shows how much you know, ‘Mama’. Kelly goes on to say how much of a great performer Janet’s been. Er, really? Have we been watching the same programme?
And that’s that. Exciting stuff.
