This is it. The very end. Until next year. Sigh.
And the last time we have to see Tulisa put her arm up.
For some reason they decided it would be a fabulous to do a mash-up of so many songs that I can’t remember. The highlight being that the one who put her leg around Gary at her audition was there in some skimpy assemble
Let me start off by saying that shocking pink isn’t Marcus’ colour, but anyway. He goes on, running up and down and around a set of stairs with additional singers stood there, singing away. To my surprise it wasn’t as dull as last night’s ‘Hey Ya!’ and it wasn’t just his bright outfit either. There’s something about Marcus, he always seems so happy. Which is always nice “I predict a bright future for you” says Tulisa. What she forgot to add was ‘but you’re not winning this competition.’
They literally spring onto the stage, which is ultimately funny. Oh, they’re good really, aren’t they? It pains me to admit it, because for some really I can’t seem to like them. They sing ‘don’t let go’ and do it very well, even if they are boring. Maybe that was why Kelly was crying? Oh no, it was because she was so happy.
After the ads we’re treated to Marcus singing wham’s ‘Last Christmas.’ What a treat it is and he’s gotten rid of the bright pink suit. It does look like Barlow’s trying to make the ex-hairdresser look like a mini me, only Marcus looks capable of being happy, whilst Barlow doesn’t.
Little Mix sing elderly people’s favourite ‘silent night’ and it is boring. Like really, really, really boring. And there’s no chemistry, despite what Louis keeps saying. Oh, and I’m not feeling Christmassy either and there hasn’t even been any fake snow yet for God sake. Little Mix’s outfits weren’t overly great, either. Considering this is THE x factor, you’d think they’d have good styling, but alas, they do not. They’ve all got their names embroidered onto their jumpers, clearly just in case they forget one another’s.
After Dermot mind-numbingly asks the mentors what their favourite part of the show has been, Westlife give it their all in their very last performance before they do the right thing and break up.
My god have they picked a dreadful song for the winners single, Damien Rice’s ‘Cannonball’, that I’m sure neither Marcus nor Little Mix could save it. He slaves away at it and I can’t help but feel that it’s a nail in the coffin for him. He’s not one for wrist-slitting songs, let’s be honest. Olly Murs shouts ‘Marcus massive’ when talking to his side of the audience.
Little Mix have their turn and it’s still shit. Why couldn’t they have picked a better song for everyone to do? I’ve never even heard the original, and I’m not even going to bother looking it up. Tulisa cries and I cry because I want it to be over.
It gets worse, Coldplay come on and I… actually like it. They’re all upbeat and there’s flashing lights going on and it’s just what was needed after the wrist slashing performances from Marcus and little mix. Then they stay for another song, which i wish they hadn’t.
Oh my god it’s tense isn’t it? All those gruelling weeks of tedious acts and here we are staring at Tulisa’s hideous dress.
And Little Mix have won and they can’t form a coherent sentence between them. Then they have to re-sing the drivel that is Cannonball, only this time it’s got confetti and all the other contestants come out and it turns into what sounds like a massacre. I must admit I’m anxious to hear what Little Mix will come up with next.
Thank fuck it’s all over.
